"Dear people who fucked my childhood" by PQHAÜS

"Dear people who fucked my childhood" by PQHAÜS

(Acrylic on canvas / 16x20 inches / 2024)

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Some kids grow up surrounded by love, with parents who make them feel safe, valued, and seen. These children learn early on what it means to be cared for and to care for others. But some kids don’t. For them, childhood is defined by neglect and abandonment, leaving scars that follow them for the rest of their lives.

A child who grows up unloved doesn’t just experience loneliness—they endure a constant, silent rejection that cuts to their core. Their cries for comfort go unanswered, their achievements unnoticed, and their struggles dismissed. They may learn early that their feelings don’t matter, that their presence is tolerated at best or ignored entirely. This neglect becomes their normal, shaping the way they view the world and their place in it.

The effects of this kind of childhood don’t fade as the years go by. Instead, they grow and evolve, weaving themselves into the fabric of who they become. Adults who grew up unloved often struggle with a deeply ingrained sense of worthlessness. They carry the belief that they are somehow broken or unworthy of the care others seem to receive so easily. This belief follows them into their relationships, where they may either cling desperately to anyone who shows them the slightest affection or avoid closeness altogether, fearing the inevitable rejection they’ve come to expect.

The trauma of neglect rewires the brain. A child who has been abandoned or ignored learns to view love as unreliable and fleeting. As adults, they may have trouble trusting others, even when there’s no reason to doubt them. They see rejection everywhere—an unanswered text feels like a betrayal, a canceled plan confirms their deepest fears. This constant hypervigilance makes it exhausting to maintain relationships, even with those who genuinely care.

This lack of love also creates a void that is hard to fill. Adults who were neglected as children often feel an emptiness that nothing seems to soothe. They might try to fill it with work, achievements, or even unhealthy relationships, but nothing truly replaces what was missing during those critical years. The pain doesn’t just disappear; it lingers, showing up in unexpected ways—in their inability to connect with others, in their struggles with mental health, or in the quiet moments when they feel utterly alone.

Being unloved as a child is more than just a difficult memory—it’s a lifelong burden. It creates a foundation of pain and doubt that shapes everything that follows. The harsh reality is that this trauma doesn’t just stay in the past; it grows with them, dictating how they see themselves, how they relate to others, and how they navigate a world that feels like it was never meant for them.